December 18, 2005
one, bright step
an apple galette for family
the hardest thing since losing my mom has been moving on. i can't get back into life, can't focus on work, avoid gatherings and stores. last night i was looking at the moon, low in the sky, and thought about the saying, "darkest hour before the dawn"; that time between which the moon sets and the sun rises, when the sky is dark and empty.
life has a strange and eerie space; the more she is not here, the larger it becomes, but this absence is still slow to sink in. i understand the reality and yet it doesn't seem real. when the front door opens, my mind's eye sees her walk in, hears her call out hello in a sing-song voice. life is moving forward without me; i'm stuck in that hour.
but there are small steps forward. here is one, bright step: we met at my cousin maria's for dinner last saturday. the plans were last-minute, leading to a pretty good turnout. Jo (my sister) and her kids, Gerry (my brother) and Sandi (his wife), me, caroline, and of course maria, her husband pat and their 3 boys.
Jo and I decided to bake and bring a dessert. we received about a dozen fruit baskets so we had fruit piled in bowls on every table. we were up to our ears in sympathy apples. so I looked through a few apple recipes online and we settled on an Apple Galette. rustic yet pretty.
we set out with our Galette to a storybook town in Connecticut, to Maria's "white colonial with black shutters, set back from the road." a few snags but we get there...and as soon as i do, i'm glad that I came. i drive up the long approach path and pull to a stop by a red barn. it's all that i expected and more ... see, maria happens to be very cool. as far back as i can remember, she was a writer and an artist. she lived in california (where she met patrick, a photographer) and then returned to CT. and now she is an Associate Editor at Inspired House magazine. so you can guess how cool her house is. for me, the kitchen was the main highlight -- open but cozy, crackling fire off stage left, walls a deep and bricky shade of red , off-set by white cabinets.
i was sad without my mom. I know how much she'd want to be there. But it felt good to be with my cousins, let them take care of us a little bit, take in the atmosphere, sit around a table and eat, talk, reminisce, laugh. Sandi even got in on some of the cooking action (black bean expert). The night flew; I felt relaxed for the first time in awhile.
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Again, I want to say thank you to all the people who have been leaving comments for your support and kindness. Thanks also to Maria and Pat for giving us a happy refuge for one evening; we needed it!
P.S: Maria will be featured in February's Inspired House.
