Nosh: what it is

what it is

This is not about food.

Some may have noticed that I've lagged on my blog entries. If you knew how important cooking is to me, how happy it makes me, how creative and fulfilled I feel when I'm doing it, you'd certainly scratch your head and wonder, "what's up with that, sister?!"

I've realized that lately, I've become a product of my own self-defeat-ism. I don't even know if that's a word. I'll read other writers and instead of feeling uplifted and motivated, I can hear that background voice saying you're not as good as that. If I photograph a dish, I'm skeptical and critical about the result. As creative as I am with my cooking, that's how uncreative I'm feeling with this weblog.

What prompted me to write this was Wil Wheaton's post today ... his thoughts about feeling that something was wrong, or missing, made me think about why I have this anxiety about posting these days ... what is it with me?

Maybe the way that Wil misses being an actor, I miss being a writer. I stopped posting on my Outbound blog because I couldn't put myself out there anymore, couldn't talk about my feelings. I don't know why. I threw myself into Nosh at first, managing to keep myself distant. Now I realize that trying to take myself out of my cooking posts leaves me with writing that ... isn't me.

I'm not sure how to solve it, but putting it down is a start.